Do You Say “Please” to AI? The Etiquette of Human-Computer Interaction
Why Our Conversations with AI Reveal More About the Future of Technology—and Ourselves—Than We Realize
As AI continues to weave itself into our everyday lives, how we interact with these tools is evolving in unexpected ways. Recently, I posed a question across LinkedIn, Slack, and X that sparked fascinating responses: “Do You Say 'Please' When Interacting with AI?” The options were:
Yes, often!
Occasionally.
No, never.
I haven’t thought about it.
This question opens the door to deeper conversations about human behavior, the nature of AI, and even the ethics of our interactions with technology. What do our manners with AI reveal about the future of human-computer relationships—and ourselves?
What Are AI Chatbots and How Do They Work?
AI-powered conversational agents like GPT, Claude, and Google Assistant engage with us in natural language, using Natural Language Processing (NLP) to interpret and respond to both text and voice inputs. These systems are driven by Large Language Models (LLMs), trained on vast datasets of human text to recognize patterns, understand context, and generate human-like responses. Through this, AI systems can provide coherent answers, simulate conversation, and offer personalized interactions over time.
What makes these agents particularly compelling is their ability to adapt and learn from previous exchanges. Memory-enabled AI systems can retain context from past conversations, allowing them to personalize responses and reflect the tone and style of the user. For instance, if you consistently use polite language, the system might begin to match that tone, reinforcing the feeling of a more human-like interaction. Additionally, their multimodal capabilities allow them to handle both text and voice, further blurring the line between human and machine communication.
As AI continues to improve and personalize interactions, questions arise about whether inputs like "please" matter in how the system processes and responds to requests. While most models treat it as just another word, these small interactions contribute to the growing complexity of human-AI relationships.
The Personification of AI: "Super Smart Assistants"
Many of us tend to humanize AI, likening it to a "super smart assistant" or an "eager intern." When we view AI this way, it’s natural to treat it with human-like courtesy, saying "please" and "thank you" as if we’re speaking with a colleague. This personification changes the way we interact with technology, encouraging us to maintain formalities even in digital spaces.
However, the context of AI integration matters. Tools like Superhuman, Grammarly, and Notion AI seamlessly embed AI into our workflows, making it feel more like a functional utility than a conversation partner. The deeper AI is integrated into everyday tasks, the less human it feels, and with that, the need for polite formalities diminishes. This contrast between personified and embedded AI invites a larger discussion about how we adapt our behavior based on how visible AI is in our lives.
Does Modality Matter? Transactional vs. Personal Interactions
An interesting insight from the poll results is that many respondents found themselves using polite language in text-based systems like chatbots but being more direct with voice assistants like Alexa or Siri. One possible explanation is that we’ve developed terse, command-like interactions with voice assistants due to their early limitations. We got used to giving explicit commands because it was necessary for these systems to understand and respond correctly.
But modality is only part of the story. It seems that the context of the interaction—whether AI is embedded into a larger system or acting as a stand-alone assistant—shapes how we engage. When AI is part of task-oriented tools like Google Docs or Microsoft Outlook, there’s less need for formalities. These systems feel like tools, not partners, so we prioritize efficiency. In contrast, when interacting with conversational agents, users may be more inclined to use a human-like tone, as these interactions feel more personal.
Interestingly, some respondents pointed out that when they’re typing, they use "please" out of habit—perhaps due to motor memory from years of interacting in polite language across various communication platforms. This subconscious habit could influence our digital etiquette, even when interacting with machines.
Force of Habit: Does Digital Politeness Influence Human Behavior?
Many respondents shared that they say "please" simply out of habit. One thoughtful comment stood out: “Being polite is a habit I don’t want to train myself out of!” This highlights how deeply ingrained our social conditioning is, even when interacting with machines. For many, the use of polite language feels natural, as though it’s an automatic reflex developed through years of human-to-human communication.
Could this politeness—or lack of it—shape how we interact with other people? If we become less formal when talking to machines, might that spill over into our human relationships? This is worth pondering as AI plays a bigger role in our everyday lives. How we treat AI may reflect, or even shape, the way we engage with one another, especially as AI takes on more sensitive roles in areas like customer service, education, and even healthcare.
Natural Language: The New Programming Language?
AI’s ability to process natural language is also reshaping how we interact with technology on a deeper level. Tools like GitHub’s Copilot and OpenAI’s Codex allow users to describe what they want in plain language, essentially making natural language the new programming language. This has the potential to democratize technology, allowing people without technical expertise to contribute to the development process by simply describing their needs.
This shift has broader implications. If programming can be done through conversation, more people—from diverse backgrounds—can participate in shaping the digital tools we use. The relationship between humans and AI is evolving into a more inclusive dialogue, where human intent can be translated into action by AI systems.
But it also raises questions: Who gets to shape technology now? How does access to natural language AI change the dynamics of creation? The way we communicate with AI could redefine who holds the power to innovate and build.
The Results: A Surprising Look at AI Etiquette
The poll results from 81 respondents were revealing:
Yes, often! – 47%
Occasionally. – 33%
No, never. – 14%
I haven’t thought about it. – 6%
A clear majority of respondents, 80%, say they use "please" when interacting with AI either often or occasionally. This suggests that politeness remains fundamental, even when interacting with machines. Rather than prioritizing efficiency over courtesy, many users maintain polite habits, reinforcing that these interactions are not purely transactional.
The 14% who never use "please" may see AI purely as a tool where politeness doesn’t serve a function. Yet, the overall results indicate that, for most people, polite social behavior persists even in the digital realm, hinting at the deeply ingrained nature of etiquette.
AI Ethics and Moderation: Should "Please" Matter?
This brings up important questions about AI ethics and moderation. How should AI systems handle impolite or harmful inputs? Some conversational agents today have mechanisms to avoid generating offensive or harmful content, but what if AI could respond differently based on tone? Could AI systems encourage politeness by rewarding it with more helpful responses, while discouraging rudeness?
This opens up broader ethical discussions: Should AI enforce civility? As AI becomes more integrated into sensitive sectors—like customer service, education, and even healthcare—how AI moderates interactions could shape the future of digital behavior. Systems that recognize tone and respond accordingly might become a tool to foster more respectful, productive conversations in an increasingly digital world.
AI Sentience: The Politeness Contingency Plan
A recurring joke from the survey was: “I want AI to remember my politeness when it takes over.” While playful, this sentiment points to a growing curiosity about AI’s evolving role. People are beginning to imagine AI not just as a tool, but as something with agency—or even sentience.
As AI takes on larger roles in our lives—whether providing assistance, advice, or even companionship—the lines between human and machine interactions are beginning to blur. It’s possible that the way we treat AI today could influence how these systems evolve. Much like our human relationships, the tone and manner in which we engage with AI could shape its future development.
The Future of Human-AI Relationships
How will our relationship with AI change as it continues to advance? Will we maintain polite formalities, or will we increasingly treat AI as a functional tool where efficiency matters more than etiquette?
As AI becomes more integrated across sectors, the way we communicate with machines could influence how these systems evolve—and how they respond to us. Will politeness shape the future of these interactions, or will we shift toward a more transactional style of engagement as AI becomes ever-present?
A Potential Follow-Up Experiment
One way to explore these dynamics further would be through an experiment analyzing how people’s interactions with AI correlate with their behavior in human-to-human interactions. Do those who frequently use "please" with AI also prioritize politeness in real life? Could a functional approach to AI mirror a more transactional style of communication with people?
Such research could offer fascinating insights into how our relationship with AI reflects and influences broader social behavior.
What Do You Think?
Do you say "please" when interacting with AI? More importantly, why or why not? Let’s explore the reasons behind our behavior as we navigate this evolving relationship with technology.
Discussion Prompts:
Do you think being polite to AI impacts how you communicate with people? Why or why not?
Have you noticed a difference in how you interact with AI based on whether it's text-based or voice-based?
Should AI respond differently to polite vs. rude inputs? What would be the benefits or drawbacks?
Where do you see the future of human-AI relationships heading?